the hand of God
2004-09-08

Currently my reading list is composed of 1. books that piss me off and 2. books that are free. I just finished The Surrendered Wife and am now paging through A Heart, A Cross, and a Flag, which promises to be infinitely more stupid. It's an accomplishment, as Surrendered Wife seemed to be aimed at women who have married complete aimless slobs. A highlight is when the poor author is working on her book and the electricity goes out, and she realizes that the reason that she can't work (and presumably all her food is rotting and she's utterly cut off from the outside world) is because her husband forgot to pay the electricity bill. Now you would think that paying bills would be something that a grown man would be able to do, because it involves a pen, a checkbook, and possibly a stamp and the company usually sends three or four warnings before cutting you off (yes, I know this from experience. I am not a grown man and am therefore not at fault here). But she doesn't get mad at him, because it wouldn't do any good, and instead thinks of all the times she fucked up financially, like when she wanted to buy a house and start her own business. Yes, it's really too bad that she actually attempted to do something with her life! (She couldn't have just paid the bill herself, of course - if you surrender, you surrender all your money as well. It makes your husband feel manly and his penis grow three sizes like the Grinch's heart. Whatever.)

In any case, you would have to go pretty far along Stupidity Road to top that. But in just three minutes paging through Heart, a Flag, etc. I found an absolute gem. The gimmick of the particular essay, written late September 2001, is that one of the happy results of 9/11 is the resurrection of belief in God. Peggy Noonan is all aflutter that because of mass destruction, people are believing in God again. These are mystic times and Noonan sees the hand of God everywhere, especially in our government and most especially in the President. Now how is God working? Where are his signs and wonders? Here's Noonan's description of a modern-day miracle:

"A man [Bush] who had never been able to read from a TelePrompTer before used the TelePrompTer like a seasoned pro..."

Well hallelujah! I am convinced! In olden days, God used to make walls fall and seas part. Now he can make a literate man read off a screen when he could not read before!

I'm not even Bush-hating (well, I am, but it's beside the point) when I say that this is utter bullshit stupidity. Anyone who holds that God's grace goes into an improved teleprompter reading deserves to be kicked, no matter what political creed they subscribe to.

The best part is that she goes on to talk about the statues and cards of St. Anthony around the World Trade Center site. Apparently God was too busy polishing up Bush's teleprompter skills and mystickal aura to bother with finding the lost, though.

I just opened up the book again and she's recommending that America make Paul McCartney an honorary citizen because he played a benefit concert for New York. Not only is she tacky (Wings? Come on!) but as everyone remembers the government was extremely busy deporting people at the time so Noonan also wanted to overstrain the poor civil servants of the USA. Bitch, shut up! They were doing enough for you already without your demented request for Macca!

This book may very well mark the record for treacly godlove (see Maggie Gallagher) mixed with boneheaded ignorance. In an essay on racial profiling (pro, of course), Noonan opines that we know the terrorists aren't coming from Israel. You do know there are Arabs there, Peggy? Of the Muslim kind? Lord help me, this may not be the commonest of knowledge but this woman went to school. Again, idiocy of a level that spans opinion.

I intend to read this book cover to cover, of course.

I did have a minor miracle happen to me today: standing in the subway, it turned out that the two people standing right next to me both work at the same company as I do. This turned out to be very useful as the subway tracks were washed away in a mighty flood and I was able to pay less than 8 dollars for the car service. But then I had to to work, so I mean it wasn't a big miracle after all.