i have a beef with a fruity minister
2005-11-21

Oooh Thanksgiving is coming! Time for holiday cheer, I plan to distill it out of a man's spine and freebase it actually. I always approach the holidays with a bit of fear, as I'm sure most people do. My mother and father used to quite actively "dislike" each other, especially during the holidays. Fortunately for the spirit of holiday love, they have found a bond in their older age by hating my uncle, who really is a piece of work (his family life is a long and sordid tale of fear, loathing, and attempted grandmother beatdowns) but also convienently lives several states away so he can't drop by for leftovers or anything.

This doesn't stop me from being nervous, as my grandmother is supposed to attend dinner although I'm not sure if she's capable of eating anything more than candy and I'm pretty sure she will think she's being kidnapped if she registers that she's going to a different location. Last time I saw her she was unclear on who my father and I were, which was creepy and yet slightly funny at the same time - it was tempting to say "this stranger has kidnapped me! Help!" (which I did not actually say because I'm not a total scumbag).

I am also scared that the turkey will choke her with its dry turkey nature or that some incipient cold I'm carrying will mucusify her to death. And I'm scared of what happens after she dies, as all my other family members who died were either far away or we had a beef with them that WE DRAGGED TO THE GRAVE. Oh, or they had memorial services done by a minister who travelled forward in time to do Elton John's funeral and stole the glasses off his corpse. And then he came back and savored the highlight of his life, while giving poorly done memorial readings. Meanwhile the secret of time travel remains his and his alone.