the cover is pink/hot pink/has a pair of legs, a martini glass, or a ring
2004-08-17

Inspired by a post on a message board I read, I've come up with a bare-bones system for chicklit writing success. By choosing from the elements below, you too can create a passable work of commercial art. Without further ado, I present to you

Write Your Own Chicklit Novel

(Becky/Kelly/Molly/Emma) works in (New York/L.A./London) in (publishing/journalism/teevee), where she spends her days looking for the right pair of (Manolos/Jimmy Choos/Prada sunglasses) and her nights downing White Cosmos with her (sassy black/sassy gay) friend.

But she has a problem. She (has a dead-end job/is single/is not single/has body issues/has overcharged her credit card/has an absentee father). When her (job is cut/boyfriend dumps her/boyfriend proposes/credit card is rejected/absentee father dies) it�s a disaster and she has absolutely no idea to deal with it. Fortunately with the help of her friends and her charm she is able to (reestablish her credit in mere weeks/find a relaxingly menial job that somehow pays a middle-class wage/shed her issues about commitment/shed massive amounts of weight) and land a (book deal and man/movie deal and man/man). In the end she is happily ensconced in a relationship with a (former fianc�/tv presenter/successful artist) and the mature moral of the story is that (friendship is the most important thing in life/self-confidence is the most important thing in life/honesty is the most important thing in life). Other than a man, that is.

A variation on the theme:

- If the heroine is competent at her job and has correspondingly risen to a higher position, she will (have her idea stolen/lose her job due to the machinations of a scheming assistant/be called to the bedside of a far-away dying relative). Eventually she will realize how worthless the cutthroat world of (publishing/journalism/teevee) is and take on a socially responsible job as a (teacher/stay-at-home writer/stay-at-home mother). The more competent or high-ranking the heroine, the more personally humiliating her downfall will be. For example, a protagonist who writes scripts for a tv show will lose her job, but a protagonist who is the producer of said tv show will lose her job after having her sexual habits made public to a viewing public of seven million. Such is the price of success.