I, powerful misunderstood dork loner
2004-09-23

Y'all can touch me because I went to TARcon. Don't line up too quick.
I saw lots and lots of stars. While I was drunk, so it wasn't too impressive because everyone looks the same when you're drunk. That's how group sex happens, because it's just all the same after a certain point. Anyway everyone is quite the same as they are on TV, to my disappointment. I thought that all the nice ones would turn out to be raging bitches and the crazy cakes would be meek and gentle as lambs. Because the TV is Bizarro World, you know. But it's not true. Colin was short, the bowling moms and Chip and Kim were sweet. The highlight, other than fighting like a crazy banshee with each and every organizer so I can never return, was standing next to Mirna and overhearing her say that she couldn't do all the challenges, after all she's only 105 pounds. Whoa mamma! A lady doesn't say her weight in public...actually, if I was 105 pounds, maybe I would say so. (I am actually a 480 lb. obese woman, or I'd like to make you think so for some reason that I don't even care to examine right now. Take your pick.)
Anyway, I've never been a very good fan so perhaps I won't return. Even back in the day I could never obsessively bond enough. It's probably because I'm a jealous obsessive - "My obsession is purer than yours and I don't want to share!" But I also like to think it's that I've dealt with too many people who get so caught up that, when you get them together, good luck making them talk about anything other than their fandom. Most of the fans I know aren't like that, and can converse on a number of topics with charm and wit, but there are those few who just can no longer talk to people who aren't interested in, say, Harry Potter's sexcapades.
There's something both really sad and really tempting about the idea of forming such a tight-knit (by which I mean frighteningly incestuous) community based on a TV show, or a movie, or a book. Anyway, if you become an obsessive fan of The Amazing Race you get free drinks during the finale and possibly a lollipop. It's pretty cool.