the key to all knowledge IS MINE
2004-09-21

While other people are having irreplicable life experiences, I'm sitting here and getting irreplicably lardy. I am practically dripping with fat, like a shiny roast turkey in a Thanksgiving dinner ad.

Figured out this morning that Mary Ellis Bunim was the progenetrix of every single reality tv show ever aired through her creation "The Real World," barring shows based off of "Star Search" and those shows where sob-story families get forty tvs and a hot tub shoehorned into their tract house. My roommate loves those shows and I swear if I see another bunch of orphans weeping over their new plasma screen I'm going to start a one-woman crusade for orphanages.

Anyway, outside of these boundaries every reality tv show is a variation on "The Real World." "Surreal Life"? Real World with y-grade celebrities. "Big Brother"? Real World with money. "Survivor"? Real World-Road Rules Challenge (or whatever that show was that aired about fifty times a day around 1995) only on an island. "Bachelor"? Real World in a mansion with a man as a prize.

Anyway I've obviously discovered the key to all knowledge, the key to all knowledge being that I'm broke so I watch a lot of television because it seems free. Oh who's all smart and fatassed now?