never too late to ride those rails
2004-10-09

I forgot exactly how hellish applications are. Right now I'm trying to avoid writing the rest of an essay on objectivity, of all things for Christ's sake.

My application process:

1. Begin writing essay.
2. Start doubting that j-school is where I ought to go.
3. Start doubting that I should go back to school at all.
4. Start regretting every life decision for the past six years.
5. End up deciding that life is completely untenable as is, as was, and as will be, and that I'm probably the dullest person alive and quite possibly mentally damaged.

It's all pretty wrecking. At this very moment I've decided that going back to school is some sort of deluded quest to regain a youth I was never ballsy enough to have, and that I should probably resign myself to being tremendously dull. Like, the kind of dull where very shocking episodes genuinely shock you and become a staple of your conversation for days afterwards. There was probably a point where this could have changed, but it's long past and I should probably become a paralegal and marry a man who will take care of me in exchange for bearing his nasty children.

I was never very ambitious, I used to tell people I wanted to become a hobo. Sometimes they thought I said "homo," so I had to tell them what I really said, and they were always very relieved. Apparently I could just go off and eat out of a garbage can, but if another girl was playing with my thingy, that was really bad.