fuggly
2004-10-24

Having dragged my bloated body out of my cave for the first time in years, I was shocked to notice something desperately wrong with society. At first I thought that I was witnessing some sort of anomaly, but after I saw it happen again and again I could no longer deny the evidence before my eyes. I stood there in the middle of the sidewalk, shaking and crying, overwhelmed by the horror.

Why the fuck am I writing this overblown paragraph? Why? Because people are still wearing Uggs, goddammit.

I seriously thought that Uggs were going to be over after last winter. And they do appear to be over in a certain sector of society. But every-fucking-where else they've spread like a virus. Frankly, they're not the ugliest things on the earth, but they do come close. (The ugliest piece of clothing on the earth is the shrug, in my opinion. It's like somebody forgot to knit the rest of the sweater, probably because they died in some horrible way. "Oh well, Aunt Mabel died before she finished my sweater, but I can just bind this off. It'll make a great shoulderblade warmer!" Okaaaay.) Oh, but now you can get pink and hot pink Uggs, which really might be the equivalent of the shrug.

And now there's the Mukluk, which is the Ugg and the moccasin combined. Apparently Eskimos wear these things. Bully for them, but I'd rather have an igloo if we're going to steal things from the Great White North.

All ths leads up to a conversation I overheard yesterday while standing on a street corner near the Strand. Three girls were blocking my speedy progress (it had to be speedy because I was wearing a knit jacket instead of an actual coat, stupid me). The one on the left was complaining about something.

"They're ugly," one of her companions said.

The third girl had to get her opinion in. "Yeah, they're still ugly."

I looked down and it was obvious that they were commenting on Girl Number 1's standard-issue tan Uggs. To be fair, the girl was wearing them in a weird fashion (jeans rolled up to reveal the full Ugg to the world) so perhaps that enhanced the gross nature of the boot.

"Now they're dirty." Never mind that her two friends had just dismissed her choice of footwear as ugly, she was mad that Nature had messed with her new Uggs.

It was all kind of sad, none of these girls looked like the kind of people who used to wear bubble skirts or people who tuck their jeans into their boots. The one girl probably thought her Uggs would be impressive, but caught the trend so late that her friends were perfectly willing to mock her boots. She seemed insecure about them, like she wanted her Uggs validated. Or maybe I am just making shit up, hmmm?

In any case, I thought this was some sort of omen of the end of Uggs, but then I had the misfortune to go into a shoe store and witness a guy buying Uggs for his girl...What? He must really love her. I mean, really, really love her. Or have a lot of money to waste.

I'm so glad I wasn't in Soho, I might have had to kill myself. The Ugg concentration there must be overwhelming on a Saturday.