and when they're northern
2004-11-09

A friend of mine has become absolutely sick of weddings. She's in a long-term relationship but doesn't want to settle down, but all her friends are, and it's getting a bit rough.

I told her not to feel sad because now I am absolutely sick of having to hear about other people's Life Experiences. For Christ's sake, I don't want to hear about your magical life journey when I'm sitting in the Greyhound station waiting to get on a bus.

I mean, I shouldn't be too jealous. And in no way is my life really as crap as a Greyhound bus stop. I have a house, too. And a date. (Well, not in future but lately of past.) And I probably will end up in grad school.

The big problem is that, unlike G., I don't feel like I was offered some sort of grand choice, picked one option and succeeded, but then decided that the other option would be even better for me. I feel like I tried to do something, and failed. Whatever happens to me now, I'm not going to come out with more self-esteem and pride in my own capabilities and yadda yadda yadda. If I've proven anything to myself, it's that I'm lazy. (I don't know whether I'd be a success if I actually got to try what I wanted to do, because I never got a shot in the first place. That probably means no.)

Therefore, I am trying grad school out of boredom, not to fulfil any actual goal. And just like the date from a few sentences back, I'll probably be interested for about five seconds, then explode in spectacular fashion.

Unfortunately my metaphor ends there because grad school costs about $8000 a year at the least, and I can't produce endless amounts of money out of my ovaries.

All this is just to say that guys, keep yourself in good working order. The human body is like a car, it requires regular "tuneups" to keep it in good working order. And members of the general population, both male and female, stop finding yourself and being all cheery about it. The rest of us know where you live, or we don't yet but we're not working towards anything in particular, so we have the time to Google your address. Take that as a warning!