hooray!
2005-01-18

Since today is the start of a new (and undoubtedly crap) American Idol season, I'm going to write about a subject dear to all of our hearts: voting. No, this is not actually about American Idol voting. If you're still mad about American Idol voting, you probably shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a real, grown-ups' ballot.

No, I take that back. There's actually not much of a moral difference, although there should be. And through the hard work of the Democratic party, that difference gets smaller all the time!

As everyone and their uncle knows, the Democratic party Needs To Reinvent Itself after losing in the last elections. The problem is that, for all the crowing about how the Democratic party needs to get its butt in gear, nobody knows exactly where the party is supposed to go to once said butt gets in said gear. Most of the suggestions go along the lines of "Democrats need to become more like Republicans."

The question has to be asked: Is there any point to the Democratic party any more? Can we just take it out to an alley and shoot it before it starts drooling and pooping on the floor?

Seriously, does anybody really think that "Me too, but not quite as much" has ever been a rallying cry? If, as David Brooks says, there are really three conservatives to every two LIBERAL COMMIE HOMOQUEERS, then naturally the Republican party would get the three conservatives, and the Democratic party the two liberals. Now let's say that the Democratic party moves further to the right. Is there any reason for one of those three conservatives to switch their vote? That they would really want to go for the "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" version of the real deal? The whole scheme rests on Republicans being pushed so far right that they fall off the face of the earth, therefore leaving Democrats an open field to become the new Republicans.

If you don't like the Republicans in the first place - well, I have it on good authority that God hates you. Have a nice time in hell!

What pisses me off the most about these "how to save the Democratic party" screeds is the amount of guilt in them. It used to be that the Democrats felt guilty about stuff like the poor or nuclear weapons proliferation. Now, they feel guilty about feeling guilty about these issues in the past. Having an actual platform that is in some way substantially different from that of the Republican party, how embarrassing!

You poor guys, you just didn't hate the queers enough. My heart bleeds for you.