rain rain go away
2005-01-14

Today it is raining. And my umbrella is broken. And I feel like bitching about my life in a stupid fashion. So here goes.

Almost everyone I know has a job - if not full-time, then part-time at least - and out of "almost everyone" about 90% of them hate their jobs. The difference is that they're aiming for something different. Their job isn't who they are. My friend K. makes labels for Whole Foods, but she's working towards a PhD in Russian Literature. G. works at a auto body shop, of all places, but she wants to be a professor of English Lit. (My friends, the academics...) Most of the people I know here in NYC work temp jobs to make ends meet, but act or write on the side. While they may never be able to support themselves fully through their art, at the end of the day they still have something to work for.

Me? I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm adequate at my job, but even if I was terrific at it I still wouldn't want to do it for the rest of my life. I don't act, or paint, or make jewelry, or write novels or short stories or essays or whatever. I've thought about writing, but frankly there's already about ten million people out there trying, and I'm not sure if they're all better than me per se, but they have more drive and more connections, so as far as I'm concerned let the spoils go to the deserving. I'm of the opinion that if I haven't started by now, it's probably not meant to be, so...

So what do I do? My dad suggested I take up a hobby as most people never enjoy their work, but I can't imagine that an hour's worth of making matchstick houses or whatever would make up for the crushing boredom and soulessness of the rest of the day. I'd like to go back to school, but that's all dependant on Admissions Committees and besides is probably one of those things that I'd like to do but would also be a large waste of my time, at least in the getting-ahead-in-the-game-of-Life sense. I don't want to be one of those desperate eternal students that you hear about.

Oooh I am whiny today because I thought it was going to be a short weekend, but it's a long weekend, which means that I have to take a fake sick day if I want to see G. at all as there's no way I can just pop down this weekend, I guess. Either that or wait til February but that's DULL.