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ROCK scissors paper ROCK! (now with more cockrockery!) What I Watched on My Insanely Long Summer Vacation 2005: Rock Star: INXS The abso-fucking-lutely stellar concept behind "Rock Star: INXS": 1. Michael Hutchence is dead. Job opportunity! There's some other shit going on in there, but that's pretty much the kicker. Wannabe singers ROCK OUT to see who is the ROCKINGEST, and that person gets to be the new lead singer of INXS. While most reality shows have a shit prize, most of them don't have the stench of untimely death clinging to them so of course I had to watch at least 15 minutes of this crap to feel all righteously horrified. Not surprisingly it's pretty dull. The people all look like they have traveled through time from approximately seven years ago, off of "The Grind" or some other mid- to late-90s MTV show. The remainder of INXS and Dave Navarro actually look laminated (not surprising, I guess, seeing as Hutchence died right before the 20th anniversary tour of the band). The highlight is watching "INXS" and Navarro bob their plastic heads up and down during the performances to show that the heart of rock n roll is still beating inside them, however faintly. DO YOU HAVE SHAME? WELL, DO YOU? Ahem. Basically the show is American Idol only with some complicated elimination process I can't be bothered to figure out instead of the phone vote. In order to hide this the ROCK of everything is emphasized over and over because Mark Burnett is a hardened warrior who fought in the Falklands* and not some pansy popmongerer. NO SIR!
Supposedly this is on three times a week, because when you are replacing dead Michael Hutchences the process must be careful and complete. That or there was absolutely nothing else to air. * Why would anybody admit to this? It's like saying you fought in Grenada. Do you think he did hardcore battle with a sheep? Fast fact: Michael Hutchence nabbed povertywhore Bob Geldof's wife Paula Yates away, Bob Geldof is the only one out of the trio to survive, thank goodness for that or all Africa would have sunk into the sea by now I'M SURE. Extra update: after walking home from the gym and having my second phone exchange in a year I was stunned to find that the "bootery" across the street had died and in its place was a comic book store. But not just any comic book store - A COMIC BOOK STORE FOR HIPSTERS! Now every time I go down the street I have to see a fucking huge Daniel Clowes display instead of children's shoes and a toy train. On the sunny side of life, apparently my new phone has video capture, and all I had to do to get it was have two of my old phones break in a few months' time. I'm waiting for Cingular to stick me with extra charges/new phone to explode in my hands, but until then I can take blurry video of whatever I please! |
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