I'm trying to think again, bear with me
2005-07-24

I've read Sarah Vowell's latest, and enjoyed it, although all the fact that it was published right before the 2004 election does give it a dated air already. Bush won! THE REIGN OF THE DARK LORD IS ASSURED etc. But I did not know she was writing columns for the New York Times! On... how much she likes Pat Robertson.

What could it be? What could bring the McSweeney's gang and 700 Club together at last, as must have been fated from the beginning of time itself?

Oh, come on. I bet you guessed already. What else could it be?

Saying you're against poverty in Africa is like saying you're against pedophilia or Hitler or death. It's not actually taking a stand on an issue because there isn't any issue in the first place - nobody's going to come out and say "I want those damn Africans to starve already, the motherfuckers." Besides, Africa is very far away so it is easy to be upset about it while getting away with doing stupid things or just doing very little at all. It's not like saying you're against poverty in, say, Tennessee, where you'd actually have to put some effort in and there might be opposition to your methods.

Praising Robertson for participating in "Make Poverty History" is absurd - first of all, he's a preacher, and so he should be harping on charity already, not just when celebrities show up. Second of all, does popping your face up on a commercial and marching with celebrities in a cause which requires no moral effort at all obliterate all the hate that came before? Oh, Pat Robertson agrees that poverty in Africa is bad, so we can make up on that wanting homosexuals to die thing. He was pretty clear-cut on that one, too. Even got down to God hitting Disneyworld with a meteor. It makes all this "Africa" stuff look kind of vague, huh?

Look, I'm not saying that only the people I deem worthy of my respect should give charity. Hell, Pat Robertson could give a million dollars to charity and more power to him (although I highly doubt that's true in his case). All I'm saying is that there's no point in gushing over a figure who hates you, hates all your friends, but is willing to shill for a nebulous charity so that changes everything. I'm sure that Sarah Vowell would shake Pat Robertson's hand in her magical dream world, but I doubt he'd do the same for her - and I bet he'd use a Sani-Wipe on his hands afterwards, too.

The more I read of the Make Poverty History "manifesto," the more depressed I get. One from the statistics, twofrom all the talk of having African countries (well, I guess African countries, the geographical focus is a little unsure) competing on an equal basis. If the "Make Poverty History" folk thought there was any hope of these countries ever competing in a world market, then you wouldn't see this kind of thing written because, let's face it, no capitalist society is really that generous.

I guess "Let up on these countries, they're absolutely bugfucked" isn't an inspiring slogan, though.

Hm, turns out that Pat Robertson loves "Africa" a whole lot. Specifically Liberia and Charles Taylor. Gee, maybe some of those African kids who die every 3 seconds are child soldiers... but when a gold mine is involved and Bono's not around for a photo op, suddenly black and white turns to a subtle wash of gray. (Thanks to the good people of I Hate Pat Robertson for the info!)