i laughed i cried it was better than "Cats"
2006-02-16

I was doing the Barnes & Noble browsing thing last night (what you do when you don�t have enough cash to buy whole books) when I chanced upon the bridal display and this book. Now I�m about as far from getting married as I am from starring in my own fully-costumed production of �Cats� put on in my backyard, but I picked it up anyway because it was so obviously geared towards women like me � �I�m alternative!� sorts.

The suggestions didn�t seem to have anything to do with contradicting the tradition of marriage in any meaningful way. Rather, it seemed geared towards people who 1. have enough money to throw a traditional, NY Times-worthy wedding and 2. need social assurance that it�s OK to have a sapphire wedding ring. (If you want to be really wild, you can get tattoos that look like rings! Ben Folds would probably advise you �no� on that one, though.)

Some unaddressed issues that might actually warrant a book: Interfaith � or even intercultural! � weddings. With more interracial couples out there, this is going to be a bigger deal in the future. If one family wants a church wedding, and one family wants to lead the groom in a horse, then there will be tension. How do you solve this?

Lesbian weddings. The logistics on this one are going to be a bit tougher than for your het wedding. If you want a religious wedding, you�re going to have to find a friendly institution if you don�t have one already. And, if you�re going to be traditional about it - which bride�s family pays? The state may not recognize these, but I doubt that heterosexual women are spending wads of cash to celebrate their new tax status, so I don�t want to hear about how these are �less real� or anything like that.

Lack of money. Some people get married young. Some people get married older, but still don�t have thousands of dollars lying around to spend on a single day. Some people have the money, but they want to spend it on something else. How do you have a special day if you can�t afford an edgy big honking sapphire ring?

It�s stupid of me to bitch about this, really, because obviously an expensive book isn�t going to address the concerns of somebody without money (and somebody brave enough to really do it their way isn�t going to need two Benefit hawkers to hold their hand). But sad faux-hipsterism makes me sad too (although tips on having a racist hipster wedding would definitely be interesting).

"Cats" is like marriage because it's "Now and Forever"