first I say this entry is like Bridget Jones' Diary and then it just kind of dies, you are warned
2004-12-16

Update #193523:

Parents still bothering me about slim job chance. I told them that there was no point in bothering the man, especially as I've talked to him before. They said it was worth a shot if I didn't ask in such a unhappy manner as last time. Well, I'm sure that Imaginary Boss X wants to hire his/her friend's third cousin's hysterical daughter.

If my life were a novel this would be the point where a la Bridget Jones' Diary (stupid book, it's poisoned my writing style forever) my mother would pop in with a real job offer from some semi-glamorous media firm. My mother did offer to buy me one of the new models of Rainbow Brite doll to make up for when she bought me the Murky Dismal by mistake, so that's nice.

The real problem is that I've admitted to my parents that I want to go to school purely because I have no prospects in the working world and want to sleep in. They were livid, which seems a little hypocritical as they're perfectly fine with my brother getting himself more of an education, despite the fact that he can make perfectly good money with what he has and that he's just going to school to continue his illustrious trivia bowl career.

It's sexist, really, because my mom thinks the draft is going to start up again and she wants to keep my brother out. I, being a person with a vagina, have no need to dodge the draft, so I have no reason to go to school. It's ridiculous as along with being male, he's middle-class and white, so he could probably just say that he has exercise-induced asthma or that his crooked teeth really have to be taken care of right this moment, and he'd be let off as medically incompetent. There's no reason to pay for an entire degree when he could just claim he has an ingrown hair on his ass.

Yes, I know it is wrong to suggest that the draft, if started, would not be a perfectly balanced mechanism of fairness and honor. But frankly, if anybody thought that getting shot at in a foreign country was a worthy way to for a rich-to-semi-rich white guy to spend his time, then John Kerry would be president. (anybody = other white people who decide who gets to be president) So rich-to-semi-rich white guys should feel ok about dodging the draft, because people will just think they're crazy famewhores if they are drafted or actually join up, looking for attention by doing Scary Stuff that no sane person would do if they had a whole rich-to-semi-rich white male life ahead of them. And then they will make fun of you for being a stupid war-fame-whore. "Fundits" will mock you if you do not flee to Canada or get a spurious pair of braces. Even if you go to war and you die. I promise you this. Draft-dodging is a time-honored American tradition and if you don't take part you're probably some sort of un-American and should be shot on the spot. (The last statement only applies to upper-to-upper-middle-class males, all other males can be shot in foreign countries.)

This time around, you probably won't be able to do cool things like fly a fighter jet, though, or they really will send you away. Consider yourself warned!

How did this turn into a rant on the draft of all things? I was planning to make it purely about me but somehow the words got out of control! Oh no!