my biological clock goes off with a BANG!
2005-03-30

I have to camp out in my house to do various stupid chores while the sun is shining, so while I am doing them here's something special for you! You'll really have to click on the link at the beginning of the article first to really appreciate it, but I know that all my real, true friends can handle the PRIVILEGE in order to enjoy the satire later.

Take a ride on the fantastic voyage!

It's kind of comforting, because sometimes I think that I really shouldn't have children, but now I know that I can, and can make a mint off of how "badly" I treat them. Of course I need a semi-famous husband first. Will any famous/semi-famous men shack up with me? I'm already nervous and can string a sentence together (kind of), so all I need is your sperm. I promise to write an essay comparing the value of your balls to my baby if you want me to.

IT'S FOR CHARIDEE! Don't make me sell our unborn babies into white slavery!* Oh, aren't I awful!

(*note: make sure that semicelebrity is white so can use white slavery conceit)